It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
And then he peed in my hair
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