Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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