I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
