Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
