I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I understand Curling. That high.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
