I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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