i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
