she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
