Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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