I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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