you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize