I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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