My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
