I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
