he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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