She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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