Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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