I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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