the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
