is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
