He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
