it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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