They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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