We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
