If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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