I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
