did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
