i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
