by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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