Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
