p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
