you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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