Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
