You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i believe in u and ur pee
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
