My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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