I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
