I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
