Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize