Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
