I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
