I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
