My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
