You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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