It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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