i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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