i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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