You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
