u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
