Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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