Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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