He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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