you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
