You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
