if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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