So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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