I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
