hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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