WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
