I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
