My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
