My friends, they love my intelligence
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
