just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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