Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
